When someone says “I hate my parents” It’s an alarming condition for society. There is something wrong with the relationship between a child and a father. The relationship between a child and a parents is very precious. This is filled with love, care, and emotions. But some factors make this beautiful relation worse, and children started hating their Parents.
Never feel hesitation while asking this question, “why I hate my parents” because this is the beginning to solve this matter. This is the first step when you recognize that there is something wrong. At this step you aware of the relationship with your dad. In this article we will try to cover the reasons behind this feeling.
Reasons behind why I hate my dad:
A child or a young boy who feels hate with his father has a big problem. It may be a case of violence, neglecting, mentally or emotionally torture. The children who say that I hate my father, they are mentally disturbed.
No attachment with Parents:
Many children feel warmth with their parents. They completely cut off with their parents. The problem starts when parents cannot give proper time to their children and only focus on their career and work. It may not be a strange thing when you feel cut off from them and feel anger and bitterness towards them.
Your parents are not a part of your daily routine, while you desired a lot from them to fulfill the role of parents. The reason could be anything but he let you down at every step.
No time for kids:
Most of the parents remain busy at work and cannot give time to children. They have no time to sit with children and spend quality time with them. They no leisure time for children and the result is that children feel no warmth towards parents.
It is obligatory to give quality time for children. They should sit together every night, has dinner with them. Sometimes watch a movie or seldom go out for a picnic.
Comparative behavior of Parents:
Some parents have very competitive behavior. They always comparison between their children and other kids (friends and cousins of children) in their habits, education, and achievements. They never appreciate their children and keep their moral down. In this situation, children start feeling negative thoughts about their parents because they are never appreciated for their deeds.
Lack of confidence between children and parents:
Mothers are the first love of children while the father is the best friend of children. Children share each and everything with their parents like their problems and needs. There is a relationship of love and confidence between both of them. Mother keeps every secret of her kids and children never hesitate to share with him. But in some cases, parents have no attachment to kids.
There is a boundary between parents and children. Children never ask or share anything. Many children become depressed and anxious because they want to share the problem with their parents but can’t help and they started hating their parents.
Parents are careless:
Mothers tend to be more caring and attached to kids, and fathers are more practical. Fathers provide everything to his children whereas the mother as caretaker, but in many cases fathers failed to fulfill the necessities of children. In such cases children think biasedness with their father.
This is a very interesting fact that based on researches,
“The absence of the father is more damaging than the absence of mothers”
This fact indicates that children naturally need the love and care of their father.
Physical and mental abuse:
The relationship between kids and parents is very loving. Parents should be polite towards their children, but some parents abuse their children. So the kids hate them. When a kid expresses his feelings “I hate my Parents” it is very obligatory to see whether the child is facing abuse.
Parents’ curses his children, beat them, and stop providing daily necessities. Children are victims of abuse. They do not have awareness about their rights and capability to solve an abusive relationship.
Authoritative parenting style:
Children expect love and frankness from their mother. Particularly the relationship between mother and kids affects the mental health of kids. Some parents are very authoritative with their children. They are very strict with children. This type of parents always ordered children and never give rights to them. They don’t give permission to argue with them on any issue.
Relationship with parents:
Parent-child interactions are of basic importance because this is usually one’s first contact with another person. We come in this world ready to interact with other humans, but the specific characteristics of those interactions differ from person to person and family to family. It is those details that seem to have important implications for our later interpersonal behavior.
Relations with parents are important throughout our lives. They certainly change as we mature and move through different phases of life, but they remain as a constant foundation of our emotional and social existence.
“Parents rarely let go of their children, so children let go of them.
They move on. They move away.
The moments that used to define them are covered by
Moments of their own accomplishments.
It is not until much later, that
Children understand;
Their stories and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories
Of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones,
Beneath the water of their lives.”
― Paul Coelho
The lasting importance of parent-child interactions:
Attachment Style:
This is the degree of security an individual feels in interpersonal relationships. Acquire two basic attitudes during their earliest interactions with an adult. The first is an attitude about self.
self-esteem:
The behavior and the emotional reactions of caregivers provide information to the infant that he or she is a valued, important, loved individual or at the other extreme, someone who is without value, unimportant and unloved.
Interpersonal trust:
The second basic attitude concerns other people and involves general expectancies and beliefs about them. This attitude is interpersonal trust and based largely on whether the parents are perceived by the child as trustworthy, dependable and reliable or as relatively untrustworthy, undependable and unreliable.
Based on the two basic attitudes, children can be roughly classified as having a particular style involving relationships with others. If you think of self-esteem as one dimension and interpersonal trust as another, then four possible patterns exist.
- One in which an individual is high on both dimensions.
- Another in which the individual is low on both. (Self-esteem, interpersonal trust)
- Two others in which the person involved is high on one and low on the other.
Secure attachment style:
A person with a secure attachment style is high in both self-esteem and trust. Secure individuals are best able to form lasting, committed, satisfying relationships throughout life.
Fearful-avoidant attachment style:
Someone low in both self-esteem and interpersonal trust has a fearful-avoidant attachment style. Fearful-avoidant individuals tend not to form close relationships or to have unhappy ones.
It combined with high interpersonal trust produces a preoccupied attachment style. Individuals showing this pattern of attachment want closeness (sometimes excessively so), and they readily form relationships. They cling to others but expect eventually to be rejected because they believe themselves to be unworthy.
Dismissing attachment style:
It is high in self-esteem and low in interpersonal trust. This combination leads to the belief that one is very much deserving of good relationships, but because these individuals don’t trust others, they fear genuine closeness. They are the kind of people who state that they don’t want or need close relationships with others.
These contrasting styles of attachment can strongly shape the relationships individuals have with others. For instance, those with a secure attachment style are more likely to have positive long-term relationships with parents, whereas those with a fearful-avoidant style often avoid such relationships or have ones that fail, often very badly.
Effects of attachment style:
Attachment styles, although formed early in life are not set in stone they can be changed by life experiences. For instance, a painful divorce or relationship breakup may reduce an individual’s self-esteem and undercut feeling and security. But they tend to be stable over long periods of time and for that reason can have strong implications for a wide range of life outcomes.
For example, adolescents with an insecure attachment style often do worse in school than ones with secure attachment styles, form fewer friendships and often turn into “outsiders”. Such people also experience higher levels of stress when they have a conflict with relationship partners. This conflict turns into hated emotions.
Perhaps worst of all, those with insecure attachment are more likely to result when children say I hate my parents.
The role of other family members:
Besides the parents, other family members also interact with infants and young children. The importance of mother and father is present but grandparents and other family members are also important. Because these people differ in personality characteristics, children can be influenced in a variety of ways. For example, the negative effects of having a withdrawn, unreliable mother can be partly offset by the presence of an outgoing, dependable grandfather.
Every interaction is potentially important as the young person is developing attitudes about the meaning and value of such factors as trust, affection, self-worth, competition, and humor.
Relationship between and among siblings:
Approximately 80 % of us grow up in a household with at least one sibling and sibling interactions contribute to what we learn about interpersonal behavior. Sibling relationships unlike those between parent and child, often combine feelings of affection, hostility, and rivalry. Then some of the children start saying ” I hate my Parents”.
A familiar theme is some version of
“Mom always liked you best”
“They always did more for you than me”.
Parents, though seldom admit that they feel any such favoritism and that is the start of hateful thoughts about parents.
How we can enhance the relationship between parents and children:
It is a very dangerous situation when a child says I hate my parents. It should be the first and foremost duty of parents to solve this issue. They must be given time to their children and sort out this problem. Children are the precious gift of God and we never let down at any cost.
- Parents should develop confidence in children
- They should provide all the necessities and needs of children.
- Children should have the independence that they can make their own decisions.
- Parents must give proper time to children and listen to their problems carefully.
- Parents particularly show warmth and love for children.
- Family therapy is very important in this case.
Conclusion:
All the aspects related to “I hate my parents” explained in detail. The major cause behind this emotion is lack of time and affection. these are the basic needs of children Parents should take care of their children. Due to the negligence of parents children are becoming mental and emotional patients.
Tending: